Zen sickness and other ailments of the mind and body
"...Zen sickness in which...one keeps throwing around Zen terms and phrases in conversations even when they are not called for."
— Ruben L. F. Habito, Total Liberation: Zen Spirituality and the Social Dimension (2006 edition)
For the first time since the pandemic lockdowns, I have been able to meditate for two straight sessions of 25 minutes each, all by myself. The sessions were punctuated by a five-minute break. Writing about this practice may be considered as a symptom of Zen sickness, a condition prompted by my receipt and perusal of a scanned copy of a 2004 research paper that discussed The Cloud of Unknowing, a book written by an anonymous author during the 14th century. The book said that the desire for the contemplative life requires "the guidance of a spiritual director" and "the prior use of meditation and prayer," according to the paper, which was written and submitted by a former priest — and a fellow Zen practitioner — as part of his Masters degree in spirituality. The book was recommended to me two years ago by my Zen teacher who had passed away last year in Manila while a group of his students was concluding a retreat held in a convent outside of Ho Chi Minh. Ever since I got a copy of the book, I have been reading a chapter aloud everyday before I begin my meditation session. A few days ago, doctors said that the tingling sensation that I've been experiencing in my chest beneath the left nipple was nothing to be worried about. Nevertheless, they prescribed me with two kinds of medicine taken everyday for the next two weeks: a capsule to be swallowed daily and a liquid solution to be mixed with water and ingested half an hour before every meal. This condition is not helped by the lack of exercise, the last of which involved walking a kilometer or so to the Santolan MRT station from the far end of White Plains Avenue in Quezon City, a location that falls within one of the two sites of the November 30 anti-corruption rallies in Manila. At its peak, an estimated 100,000 people went but the crowd thinned considerably early on. Insect bites have broken out on my arms and limbs, less than a week after sleeping on what might now prove to be a bug-infested foam mattress that was inside a charming country cabin eight hours away from Manila.